I don’t normally quote such a huge chunk of a post, but this is a gem:

A couple years ago, after trying nearly everything to get my new Dell to work, I did the unthinkable. I called Dell’s tech support. After giving the service tag and all that other jazz, I explained the problem to the technician.

"According to the BIOS," I said, "my computer has 4GB of RAM installed. But Vista Ultimate only shows 2GB."

"Hmm," the tech responded, "what is this Vissa software you are using?"

"Microsoft Vista Ultimate," I explained, "you know, the new Microsoft OS?"

The rep paused. "I’m sorry, we don’t support third party software. But if you would like, I can help you restore your computer to its original state. Do you have your Dell Resource CD?"

"No, no," I countered, "this isn’t third party software. It is the operating system that came with the computer when I purchased it from you."

"What is the software called again?"

"Microsoft Vista," I said slowly, "Ultimate Edition."

The rep put me on hold for a few minutes and returned several minutes later. "Where did you get this Vissa program? I will see if anyone here has heard of it."

"Well," I wasn’t sure how to respond, "it’s Microsoft’s newest Operating System, and it is called Vista."

"Ooooh," the rep responded, "Vissa! Yes, I understand now."

I just waited for a moment.

"Well Mr. Mike," he said, "this is a problem with the Vissa software. We have notified Microsoft and they have informed us that you can not use more than 3GB of memory with this software. I suggest you uninstall it and install the XP Pro that came with your computer."

"But, my computer came with Vista Ultimate installed on it. It is less than two weeks old."

The technician seemed a little confused, "okay, but I can send you a copy of XP Pro?"

"No thank you," I said, "my friend bought the exact same PC, and his shows the 4GB in Vista, so I don’t think it is a bug."

"I see. So is there anything else I can help you with, Mr. Mike?"

"I would really like to find out how to resolve this," I pleaded, "I read up a little on it on a website, but I cannot make changes to the BIOS with everything grayed out. I was hoping you could help me?"

"Unfortunately we don’t offer support for other software like Bios and Vissa, but we can help you restore your system back to its original configuration if you would like?"

"No," I was started to get agitated, "I really would like see the 4GB in Vista."

Without even acknowledging my request, the rep said "so is there anything else I can help you with Mr. Mike?"

"But can’t you tell me who else I could check with to try and find answer to this problem?"

In the same exact tone, the rep repeated "so is there anything else I can help you with Mr. Mike?"

I said no, and disconnected the call shortly thereafter.

Hilarious.  And yes, I’m pretty sure the story is somewhat exaggerated, perhaps entirely fictional, yet something in the dialogue will no doubt sound familiar to all of us.  The Brainless Stonewalling Machine runs Customer Service in far too many places.

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