Missing | Agent-X Comics
(Cross-posted @ CloudAve)
The Care and Feeding of Industry Analysts – Take Two
Posted on May 18, 2010 ·
Some analysts (?) spammers just won’t learn. I ridiculed this “research report” a few months ago (quoting old post below):
The Care and Feeding of Industry Analysts
The Top 10 Questions The Care and Feeding of Industry Analysts Will Answer For You Include:
1. What are the ten deadly sins NOT to commit when working with an industry analyst firm?
2. What are the typical characteristics of an industry analyst that will enable you to more effectively work with them?
3. As a vendor, when should you be humble and when should you position yourself as an expert?
4. Does subscribing to an analyst’s research improve coverage of your products or company?
5. How is a research briefs created and what impact can a vendor have on its content?
6. What are the three highest-level benefits you can enjoy from an effective analyst relations approach?
7. How can you best capitalize on industry analyst ‘rules of engagement?’
8. Precisely what homework must you do before you brief an analyst?
9. How do vision and ability to execute relate to how an analyst sees your company?
10. During a briefing, how do CEOs, VPs of sales, PR firms and VPs of marketing impact how an analyst sees your company?The actual report (PDF) costs EUR 316. Is it worth? I leave it up to you … but I promised entertainment. Look at the other “research” this paper is associated with:
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The Future Of Personal Care OccasionsWow.. .I especially love the pairing of Toilet, Laundry and Analysts 🙂
I thought I had originally made it quite clear I wasn’t exactly a fan of this puff piece. Apparently one person did not quite “get it” – today I received an email offer from the original sender to buy the same study, for the same price.
Fuhgeddaboudit. And stop spamming me, Amy Cole.
(Cross-posted @ CloudAve)
Magic Quadrant. No. Magik Quadrant. No. Magik Kvadrant. From the Creator of the Enterprise Octopus.
Posted on May 13, 2010 ·
Sam Lawrence, formerly of Jive Software and Enterprise Octopus, most recently Blackbox Republic is baaaack. Big Time. Sorry. I mean Go Big Always. This time (actually a month ago) he is presenting the Magik Quadrant from a customer prospective. (Should it not be the Magik Kvadrant?)
There you have it. But I can’t steal his entire post: for the explanation, Go Big Always. 🙂
(Cross-posted @ CloudAve)
Google Cheese
Posted on May 5, 2010 ·
Yes, this is decidedly cheesy: a microblogging app that’s intentionally buggy. Full of holes, like it’s namesake, the cheese. For educational purposes. But I think they forgot something really important:
Yes, I know, proper pairing would be wine and cheese, but it doesn’t rhyme as well as Jarlsberg & Carlsberg.
Besides, this way Google could use the tagline: Probably the Best Bugs in the World.
(Cross-posted @ CloudAve)
IT Project Slipping? Just Throw in More Bodies … Not.
Posted on May 4, 2010 ·
As a former Project Manager I faced the above situation far too many times, and I second Dilbert, it does not work. Throwing in more warm bodies often has the opposite effect, you project just got more expensive but not a bit faster…
(Cross-posted @ CloudAve)
iPad + Wife Bundle – No Kidding
Posted on May 3, 2010 ·
iPad’s are now generally available, so I can’t fathom why people think they can sell it at premium over @ eBay or Craigslist. But there’s one unusal bundle that caught my eyes:
iPad 32g 3G+WIFE – $799 (oakland downtown)
Date: 2010-05-01, 7:10AM PDT
Reply to: sale-xpydj-1719200072@craigslist.org
Hi, its open box and I just it last night from Apple retail store…
Don’t really know how to use…So…
Any questions: …… or email:…..Thanks for looking and have a nice day.
Is this:
- A “value pack” adding the wife as a bonus to justify the premium on the iPad?
- A bonus gift to whoever is willing to take wifey?
🙂
(Cross-posted @ CloudAve)
Microsoft Should Donate PowerPoint to the Taliban
Posted on April 28, 2010 ·
I don’t pretend to be a military strategist, but I’ve figured out how to win the war in Afghanistan. OK, not on my own – The New York Times helped, with an article titled: We Have Met the Enemy and He Is PowerPoint:
Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal, the leader of American and NATO forces in Afghanistan, was shown a PowerPoint slide in Kabul last summer that was meant to portray the complexity of American military strategy, but looked more like a bowl of spaghetti.
“When we understand that slide, we’ll have won the war,” General McChrystal dryly remarked, one of his advisers recalled, as the room erupted in laughter.
Another choice quote:
“It’s dangerous because it can create the illusion of understanding and the illusion of control,” General McMaster said in a telephone interview afterward. “Some problems in the world are not bullet-izable.”
Wait, since when do Army Generals not like bullets? 🙂 But there’s more:
Last year when a military Web site, Company Command, asked an Army platoon leader in Iraq, Lt. Sam Nuxoll, how he spent most of his time, he responded, “Making PowerPoint slides.” When pressed, he said he was serious.
Platoon commanders spending most of their time fiddling with Powerpoint? And we wonder why …. (slapped my hand, scrapped the rest of my comment…)
So here’s my 3-step Military Strategy, bulletized (could fit one PPT slide!):
- Ban PowerPoint from the US Military
- Convince Microsoft to donate 10,000 copies of PowerPoint to the Taliban
- Go get them while they are busy PPT-ing 🙂
(Note: the above does not constitute a pro-war stance- I’m just having fun…)
Update: an old post of mine comes to mind:Romulan Attack Because of Microsoft Office
(Cross-posted @ CloudAve)
Almighty Bloggers Can Fix it All – Fun with Blog Messages
Posted on April 26, 2010 ·
Image via Wikipedia
Reading some of the blog-contact messages makes me wonder who readers think I really am. One common misconception is when they confuse me for a representative of a company I write about – even when the post is actually quite critical. How does my ugly experience with HP Technical support prompt a reader to think I have any clout @ HP is beyond me:
my hp deskjet f4185 is not working properly so please send any ingenior (sic) my
contact number is …
Reading my rant on Comcast Digital Enhancement Off to an Analogue Start prompted a reader to send this:
I need the free digital enhancement for my TV
Huh… as if I really had the power to help him….
Sometimes I blog about lighter subjects, like when Carlsberg workers went on strike for their free beer. But I’d have to drink quite a few beers to understand the following message:
Dear Sir,
I have been looking forward to see how we can Import Carlsberg beer to Africa specificaly Angola-Luanda and we know that there are alot of countries that manufacture and import this beer, but we would like to have the links in the countries we have been doing business like for eg; South Africa, Namibia, China
and Portugal.
However, I would appreciate if you supply these links to us in order to stablish contact and business relactionship with them.
I hope to hear from you very soon.
Perhaps I should hook them up with a Nigerian Banker…
Now, when I complain about the lack of pay-as-you-go Internet fax services, I think it’s pretty clear I am an angry customer, not a service provider. Well, perhaps clear to all but one reader:
Can you please send me information on signing up for your pay as you go fax service for incoming and outgoing faxes??? The page I can view is only a review page for Zoli and no link to sign up..
I left the best for last – even I don’t know what qualifies me to be the expert on the birds and the bees:
how do you tell the difference between honey bees and killer bees.I just saw some bees going into a small hole on the side of my house.I sprayed some wasp spray on them but it didn’t seem to kill them.
Don’t get me wrong: blog contact messages are great, and I still encourage them… but please, please, a reality check first: I’m just a blogger, can do no wonders 🙂
Update: I just felt compelled to add this “most relevant” offer:
My client in Brasil has a biodiesel and an ethanol plant for sale, ready to operate and with supply in abundance. If you have buyers please write to me at …
🙂
(Cross-posted @ CloudAve)
The New Generation of Ash-proof Aircraft
Posted on April 18, 2010 ·
Volcanic activity is here to stay, warn scientists. Air travel over Europe is crippled. The volcanic ash can have an abrasive, damaging effect on just about all parts of an airplane, but the single biggest danger in internal damage as the jet engines suck in the fine particles.
It’s time we think of a new generation of aircraft, one that’s less prone to damage from the ashes. Like this one:-)
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